more fun with squat toilets
They never get old.
Last week, Lisa and Monica scoped out a bar down the street from our apartment, some place called Reggae. They came back with happy tales of new foreigner friends, cheap drinks and good music. So on Tuesday night I set out for this bar with Wei, Tadashi, Aaron and David.
The bar was pretty empty but we had a nice time. The beer selection was excellent and reasonably priced. I had a can of nutbrown ale and then spied David's beer, a bollingtons, which I had never seen before. He said that its the only English bitter you can get outside of England. I tried a sip and was delighted. It was smooth and refreshing.So when I finished my ale, I ordered a bitter and I liked it so much that I had another one after that.
As some of you know, I'm a bit of a light weight or, as some may say, a "cheap date." So after three beers I was pretty much done drinking for the night. Also, after three beers I really had to go to the bathroom. I found the unisex bathroom-- the kind where you can lock the door, fortunately. And in it was a single squat toilet in the floor, no toilet paper, and every surface appeared to be wet. Do you see where I'm going here? Don't worry. The story is not *that* bad.
I'm very proud of myself when I think I'm adapting to being in China. I'm getting better at chopsticks (I still drop things but I don't get hand cramps anymore) and I know how to not fall over while using a squat toilet while drunk (grab the pipe). So, in my drunken arrogance I march up to the squat toilet, yank down my pants, grab the pipe and assume the position.
Xi had told us a story a few days prior about how he was stopped by the police when he came back to Hangzhou after new years holiday. Perhaps they thought he looked like trouble with his ninja ponytail but the demanded to see his ID. So when we went to the bar on Tuesday night, worried that I could end up in Chiense jail, I brought my passport. I put it in my back pocket because that is the most comfortable place to store it when you're sitting a lot.
Now do you see where I'm going with this story?
When I dropped my pants to squat, my passport fell out of my pants and landed in the bottom of the squat toilet. (I'm glad I noticed before I did anything!) Fortunately the toilet was empty and only slightly wet (no puddle in it like western toilets). But I was still grossed out when I had to fish it out and dry it off.
Lisa just said to me,"You picked it up with your bare hands?!?"
There was no toilet paper or paper towels in the bathroom. I had to get it-- I need it!
"Why didn't you go ask for chopsticks?"
But then my passport would've violated the 3 second rule. The longer it sits in the bottom of the squat toilet, the more contaminated it becomes.
My biggest worry from all of this is what will happen when I go through customs. I can imagine the blush on my face when I hand my contaminated passport over to the officials. They're going to think I have drugs or sexually exploited children in my luggage. I don't think customs will ever be an easy experience for me again.
Last week, Lisa and Monica scoped out a bar down the street from our apartment, some place called Reggae. They came back with happy tales of new foreigner friends, cheap drinks and good music. So on Tuesday night I set out for this bar with Wei, Tadashi, Aaron and David.
The bar was pretty empty but we had a nice time. The beer selection was excellent and reasonably priced. I had a can of nutbrown ale and then spied David's beer, a bollingtons, which I had never seen before. He said that its the only English bitter you can get outside of England. I tried a sip and was delighted. It was smooth and refreshing.So when I finished my ale, I ordered a bitter and I liked it so much that I had another one after that.
As some of you know, I'm a bit of a light weight or, as some may say, a "cheap date." So after three beers I was pretty much done drinking for the night. Also, after three beers I really had to go to the bathroom. I found the unisex bathroom-- the kind where you can lock the door, fortunately. And in it was a single squat toilet in the floor, no toilet paper, and every surface appeared to be wet. Do you see where I'm going here? Don't worry. The story is not *that* bad.
I'm very proud of myself when I think I'm adapting to being in China. I'm getting better at chopsticks (I still drop things but I don't get hand cramps anymore) and I know how to not fall over while using a squat toilet while drunk (grab the pipe). So, in my drunken arrogance I march up to the squat toilet, yank down my pants, grab the pipe and assume the position.
Xi had told us a story a few days prior about how he was stopped by the police when he came back to Hangzhou after new years holiday. Perhaps they thought he looked like trouble with his ninja ponytail but the demanded to see his ID. So when we went to the bar on Tuesday night, worried that I could end up in Chiense jail, I brought my passport. I put it in my back pocket because that is the most comfortable place to store it when you're sitting a lot.
Now do you see where I'm going with this story?
When I dropped my pants to squat, my passport fell out of my pants and landed in the bottom of the squat toilet. (I'm glad I noticed before I did anything!) Fortunately the toilet was empty and only slightly wet (no puddle in it like western toilets). But I was still grossed out when I had to fish it out and dry it off.
Lisa just said to me,"You picked it up with your bare hands?!?"
There was no toilet paper or paper towels in the bathroom. I had to get it-- I need it!
"Why didn't you go ask for chopsticks?"
But then my passport would've violated the 3 second rule. The longer it sits in the bottom of the squat toilet, the more contaminated it becomes.
My biggest worry from all of this is what will happen when I go through customs. I can imagine the blush on my face when I hand my contaminated passport over to the officials. They're going to think I have drugs or sexually exploited children in my luggage. I don't think customs will ever be an easy experience for me again.
posted by Michelle at 4:53 a.m.
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